Transitions

I spoke too soon.

I am having a terrible time transitioning into the next chapter of my life. The deployment is over and I am in limbo hell. My pay will run out at the end of next month and I still haven't found a job or a home.

I am staying with my parents right now, and what was supposed to be a three-week visit has stretched into five, and counting. Mom keeps saying that she is glad I am here, but as time drags on, I fear that I am wearing out my welcome; that I am slipping further away from employment every minute; and I am no closer to knowing what I am going to do.

I have gained weight. I feel disgusting. I miss my children. I am a mess.

I registered for a veterans' job fair in Tampa and didn't go. The morning I was supposed to go, I put on my interview clothes and stepped in front of the mirror. It was awful. The pants are now a little too snug and with the weight gain, my chest has taken on a stripper quality. There was no way I could go into public looking like that--especially when looking for employment that doesn't involve a pole or lap dances.

Then there was the issue of my resume. I looked it over again, just as I have almost every day for the past several weeks, and it is garbage. If I handed that to a potential employer, I'm sure he would respond in anger or disdain for wasting his time.